Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
