So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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