i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
