my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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