I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
