I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
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A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
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Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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