Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
