I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
