Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
