I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
