He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
