I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
