I got chris browned last night
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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