you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I need moral support for this bender
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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