I'm eating all of the evidence.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
