I can text with my tongue
I think i peed on brittanys purse
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
