do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
