I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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