you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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