He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
