I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
