i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
