its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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