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I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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