You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
