I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
