He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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