you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
