Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
