my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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