I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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