I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
