I'm lost and stupid without you.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
