sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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