hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
