to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
