Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
