I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
