How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
