You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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