Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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