wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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