I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just blew my weed a kiss
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
