now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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