His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
