babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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