I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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