Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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