Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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