they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
