Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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