Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
