I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
