It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
