she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
