Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
