I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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