i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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