i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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