I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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