no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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