Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
