her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
