Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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