I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I want to walk on stilts...naked
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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