Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
FUCK WHALES
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
