I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
